We’re in the middle of a Global Pandemic and I can’t be more grateful for the world slowing down earlier in the year. It gave us a moment just to actually take a break from EVERYTHING. And for me, it was socializing.
I had to make many, many choices. And for the first time in my life, I chose me.
My year started like this: *The worst cough I’ve ever had, for 5 weeks, in bed. *Spent New Year’s Day in Tigoni with the gang. *Went out for my Open Mic Night’s on Wednesday’s at The Alchemist. *February let the butterfly fly, a little bit. *March, did the Landmark Forum. And my mind was blown. *Then a day later I’m on Choice Radio for the #KaceAndSadiaShow. *And we just went into lockdown.
See, I went into Landmark not knowing what I was just about to walk into. And then boom. My entire life is in one room. I now had to face some realities. I needed to make some changes.
I went on a very awkward Tinder date on the Wednesday before the Forum, and he left by saying… “Just push yourself to participate“. So I did. And that’s the weekend I realized what my mate, Eloise, meant when she told me THAT SAME WEDNESDAY NIGHT that “Sadia, you don’t listen!“.
That’s all I did that weekend. I sat there and listened to complete strangers so openly share themselves. And it was so humbling. I couldn’t believe how many traumas in my life I had never ever dealt with. And that was just the first awakening.
Then I did the Free to Be and Free to Act, Forum for Graduates, online, in June and that blew my mind. I connected the dots to, now, 2 of the biggest blocks in my life and straight on dealt with it. It made incredible shifts in my life. It’s so beautiful to watch myself grow. I have never felt so much more at peace than I am at right now.
It’s important to understand the emotions of the attachment to the situation too, though. Emotions are the key source to our reactions, decisions. It’s important to learn to love yourself first. Understanding your body, because that’s where it all sits and reflects. You can see it in a persons eyes. You can see it on their face. You can see it with their scent. Your body is basically a walking, talking plant, that needs to be watered and taken care of everyday.
Go get that Vitamin D, baby!
This Monday, 21st September, is the 7th Anniversary of the Westgate Mall Attack. It’s insane how time has flown but even crazier how much the world has changed for me since.
Driving back from Choice Radio to home, there was NO ONE. And I MEAN NO ONE!!! No one on the streets. And right in front of us was a military truck, packed with soldiers. And my heart went into complete fear.
And now as things have started to slowly open up again, I’m not ready for LARGE gatherings. How did we go from military take over to our police officers wearing, what my Aunt described as “what mechanics wear (overalls)“, IN 6 MONTHS?
Depression and Anxiety via PTSD. And perhaps, I was depressed already, just didn’t know it. The attack threw me right off. That’s what my therapist said to me in 2017.
They say your brain alters when a grenade blows around you. That one must have been 10 feet away. Still remember that white light and smoke, and my ears ringing. So not just past trauma, but I have a chemical imbalance occurring within my brain too.
Jenetta Barry, my life coach, held my hand, virtually, from the minute I got out of Westgate that afternoon. Got online and started working on overcoming so much of my STUFF.
And when I stopped working on myself, I found myself slipping again. And I did. For 5 years.
Landmark snapping me out of an unauthentic reality, this March, is the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me reach out to many and now I have The Epiphany Process helping me fully expand on every single part of it all.
The impact of the attack itself, was traumatizing. But there were emotions and attachments prior to the attack that led me to it. And it’s just so beautiful to be able to recognize them and choose to acknowledge the emotions and let them go, rather than sit in them for too long.
2020 has been epic for me. I chose me this year. And 32, is going to be an amazing year.
Going vegan (plant based – working on the leather!), meditating daily, journaling, breathing, sleeping and waking up at the same time and getting 7-8 hours of sleep. Moving your body. Taking care of your body. Affirmations. And mainly, being consistent.
As I breathe and continue to shed off emotional weight, I feel myself elevate higher, to new possibilities, and new realms with unconditional love for myself and others.