This Is Who I Am

Everything is linked to our childhood. What happens to us especially from the age of 2, affects every single thing.

The Westgate Mall, Terrorist Attack in Nairobi, Kenya, 7 years ago, was the pivotal point in my Adult Life but so much happened to me from age 2. The list is incredible but I’m going to share with you the ones that are linked to Westgate.

When we have FEAR in our lives, that’s EXACTLY what you’re attracting. What you resist WILL persist.

Between the ages of 2-4, just before my mother left my father for being abusive, we would all be watching TV together, but as soon as a violent scene or sex scene would come on, they would turn it off or switch the channel. But of course, as kids, if you tell us not to do something, we’re gonna do it. We would peep and watch the crazy, violent, guns blazing, bombs going off, blood everywhere on TV.

At age 7, my Mother’s Brother gets murdered. But I’m too young to understand all this. But I peep and watch, everybody in white, crying, over a man covered in white, with cotton wool up his nose. But he looks like he’s sleeping.

At age 13-15, my mum gets kidnapped.

At age 25 I’m in the middle of a terrorist attack at a mall in Nairobi.

The likeliness of me being there? 100%

Coming from a Muslim family, where religion is everything and you’re not supposed to question it, makes you question it even more. If things don’t make sense, then why are you doing it?

Can you imagine talking to your dad on the phone, after years, only after he sees you on International News, and his response to what you’d just been through was… “If you were married, your husband could have taken care of you”.

SO OF COURSE I fell off the wagon. I felt my entire belief system collapse. My people weren’t my people. My religion was used against me.

My perspective on life changed on 21st September 2013. And ever since, I pick and choose, from different religions, what works for me, to be a better, functioning Human Being.

I have Jenetta Barry, who taught me The Epiphany Process. Sapna Chandaria and Tazim Elkington who have taught me how to Breathe, Meditate, Love Myself, Embrace Solitude and walk through life Authentically. And alas The Landmark Forum who helped me Connect All the Dots to so much Trauma.

My name is Sadia, I’m a single, Brown, Muslim, Woman, in my 30’s, who faces Racism almost every day, who was brought up in an African Country, Kenya, thanks to the choices my Fore Fathers from Pakistan and Iran made, to create something out of nothing. They built connections, they built communities, they built a mosque, they truly believed in all the good of Islam. But they lived life yo. As men, they got to do that, but the women in their family weren’t allowed to (that’s a story for my book).

And so, I live my life, on my own terms.