It’s not easy.
Even after counseling sessions and collapsing it; equilibrating it. It’s still not easy. And I love that it’s ok. It’s FINE. You are allowed to feel this way because it really just is not easy.
We try not to think about it, yes. But it’s something you have to live with and deal with. It cannot be ignored.
It sucks even more because the Westgate Mall is still there, standing tall. You have pictures of friends who’ve passed on around you everyday. It’s a constant reminder.
It’s not easy NOT to think about it – When a reminder is always in front of you.
You meet new people, Westgate always comes up – And then they want to know your “story”. And I will briefly tell them about it. But not in detail – Because I don’t want to get myself “stuck in the story” again.
But at the same time – It’s strangely an amazing feeling. To know I was in that situation, got rescued and escaped from it, and it shifted my life.
The things I have done and been through since the Westgate Mall attack to this very moment. So much has changed a shifted. From within and around… It’s beautiful.
As much as it’s not easy… It’s amazing. Because it brings you even closer to gratitude.
The troubling part about the memorial on Sunday is everyone who intends to be there were directly or indirectly affected by the attack. Whether you were in the mall or not. It has touched so many in different ways.
Bringing together people from different walks of life for an event that shattered Kenya in September 2013 is a huge thing.
It’s important for everyone however to respect any individual’s decision for being at the memorial or not.
Personally, I have no intention of being there and no intention of being in the city either. Not because i can’t deal with it – I’m sure I can – But… I’m just not comfortable with it interfering with my healing process.
I’ve thought about it – Friends want to take me away from it as well and I love how supportive and caring they have been about the whole situation since the month started – And it makes complete sense.
Some haven’t moved on – moved forward – healed. We’re all still healing. I know I am moving forward if not on. And for that reason, it’s wiser for me not to be there just so I don’t fall a few steps back.
I do realize, understand and know how also being there would serve me and help the process, but perhaps, if the memorial was literally outside Westgate or around the same area, I would have attended it – Being where it all happened. That’s just me though.
There’s a lot of inner stuff that I am working on that’s suddenly surfaced and I know without a doubt, this week is going to be a tough one.
For all those who have to face the date 9/21 head on – Sending you so much love and light and hope you can deal with it in a positive way and not let it overwhelm or overcome you