A little over a year ago, a friend of mine asked me to pick up a box of his that he left in Kenya with one of his ex’s. I said I’d pick it up, and over a year later is when I sorted it out. It wasn’t a priority to me, because one well, it’s not mine and two didn’t see the difference between it being with the ex (seeing that they still communicate) and three that it’s only going to take up more space in the little house we live in.
So fine! I have the box now. But the bitching hasn’t stopped. Why? Because I took a year to get it. And who knew one would take “I owe you big time” so seriously. But hey! I’m always full of excuses and don’t really have my principles sorted out.
Another friend who’s moved back to France left her bag in Kenya. Asked 3 of us girls to sort it out for her by posting it back. But of course, none of the others were gonna do it, so Little Miss RedCross Sadia says she’ll pick it up. YES… I DID take my sweet time to pick it up and NO it hasn’t gone to France yet. Why? Well let’s see… The airport is not a number one destination to hang out. I don’t have a car. I have a job that demands my time during the day. And you want to sort something like that during the day. Not at night nor the weekend. But I have every intention to sort THAT out this week too!
So this thing about throwing back favors in my face. It’s ironic. And the world works the way it works. Karma we call it.
A few days ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with some stuff that came up, to do with Westgate. And this one particular friend ended up being the victim of the situation. And what was it based around? “I did this for you… And this is what I get from you?”
Perhaps it was stupid of me, but that’s just how I felt about it. That she may have gone through 1-3 things in the past year and I was there for her throughout all of it and that she wasn’t REALLY “there” after Westgate.
It falls back to expectations.
We do things for people out of goodwill. Out of sympathy. Out of love. Usually, never look for favors back. Usually.
The Art of Living teaches you “Expectations reduces joy”.
And it’s true. That is plain and clear.
But we as humans never seem to learn or do and forget and need to be reminded again. Unless you practice it every single day.
I have the most amazing long term memory but the most useless short term memory. I get enough shit at home at times and even at work for forgetting the smallest thing.
Another friend recently had a chat with me. About us as friends. Feels that we’re no longer “friends”. That we’re more formal with each other whereas before, we would hang out and speak everyday and yadi yadi yada. But over the years the friendship has taken a new face. And perhaps he’s stuck in that moment of what the friendship was initially and isn’t ready to accept what it is now. It again comes back to expectations.
“The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho…..
“…. He always made new friends, and he didn’t need to spend all of his time with them. When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
When people expect you to act a certain way, or respond to them in a certain way… You don’t have to.
Some people may think they know me very well. Sure. Maybe you do. But there’s a whole side to me that they probably don’t. And when they learn of it, they don’t know how to handle and so become defensive and immediately start lashing back.
Fine… I agree… I’m a total numb-nut to have taken forever with the box and the bag and fine… I was an idiot to have expected something in return after being there for someone more than twice… I agree, it’s my fault… FIRSTLY to even say yes to begin with and secondly not have it sorted out as soon as, because I know if I were in that same situation, I would have wanted it sorted out just as fast.
I’m taking part in the National Blog Posting Month! I’ve committed to posting something everyday till the 30th of November! Hope you enjoy the absolute random reads and would love feedback too! Feel free to drop a comment at the bottom.