Chilling on the beach at night, cool breeze in the air, having dinner while chatting with a mate, he asks me… “How do you know they’re the one”. I said, “I guess you just know”.
When you’ve been single for over 5 years, you tend to come to terms with not “finding the one”. Not because you don’t believe you’ll never find them, but because the world has become so free and liberal to an extent that finding the one is no longer a goal.
The world is so engrossed with traveling, making money, having the latest gadgets, building a career, fucking that good looking person just because you can, add whatever else you feel you must be doing right now that you’ve chosen over being in a relationship or even dating for that matter.
Kamey of SinceBeingSingle.com and I used to chat a lot about relationships and dating stuff and the site focuses so much on the foundation of self-stuff that in actuality – you can’t find “the one” if YOU are not “the one”.
How can you find Mr. Right if YOU are not Miss Right?
Everyone has some form of a checklist; does the person you’re currently dating meet your criteria? Do you meet their criteria? But why is there a criteria? Compatibility is key and if you’re not compatible together, then you’re wasting time.
I recently met up with friends I hadn’t seen in a while who’re now going into their 8th year of marriage and she told me they hit a low after 4 years. I mean, you’re with “the one”, but you’ve been together for so long that you’re no longer into each other. There’s no chemistry. There’s no attraction, so all parts of the relationship starts to slowly drift away. Because they noticed this, they took a few weeks away from each other and decided to throw the towel and said:
Look, if we leave each other we’ll meet other people, and go through the same thing 4 years later. We’ve been together all along, we’ve invested too much into each other, we’re compatible, everything else about us works… Let’s just try to make this work.
So my perception changed of who “the one” for you is.
Maybe in the end you take the person you love right now, and turn them into “the one” – I don’t mean you’re changing him or her; but you’re consciously making an effort to bring out the best in them and yourself to create a “myth” or idealism the world has created: A white picket fence relationship.
Right now it’s so easy to get married and divorced the next day, but how strong of a person must you be to actually allow yourself to continue loving and caring for a person, that you stick with them through thick and thin? Humans now have become so emotionally weak that we run away from anything that is difficult. We don’t like our jobs so we quit. We don’t like our house so we move. We don’t like this subject so we take up another one. We don’t like a group of friends so we change our circle. We don’t love them anymore so we leave.
I’m also not saying stick with the person because you’re not “in love” with them anymore. Relationships are not just about love, it’s about everything else that comes with it that not many people talk about. The dirty socks, the blood stains on her clothes in the laundry, his snoring, her farts, his pet peeves about her picking her nose, her pet peeves about his disgusting burps. The list is endless.
But the thing everyone also forgets is that looks are temporary. We’re all gonna get old and wrinkled, but the mind, that can only ever expand. The one thing you’ll be able to do when you’re both crippled is have conversations. And if he or she is not intelligent or smart enough to hold one, you’re wasting your time. Like Kam says, “Don’t date people just for their looks. That’s just silly. Good looking people are everywhere. Great minds are not.”
And again, it still comes back to you, YOU need to be THE ONE. YOU need to be MISS/MR RIGHT.