A Social Outcast

Happy New Year!

This post would actually be about the year 2013 but since my laptop’s still practically dead, I haven’t been able to complete the post. But soon as I have it running again I’ll make sure it’s on here!

Last evening was lovely. Spent it with my mum and her friends. They’re lovely, always insist that I come along and I usually do enjoy the company! We popped non-alcoholic champagne at midnight and got home around 1.

Got to Gipsy’s just before 2. Walked in while a group was being carried out after a huge fight that broke in the middle of the dance floor. Obviously it was a bunch of Muhindi’s. First person I bumped into was Ian Cox and found Katie Hardy after. Mates of mine Arfan and Amee are down from Perth and was lucky enough to meet them too.

Aside these 4, I knew NO ONE at Gipsy’s. It was a pure Muhindi crowd that I had never ever seen before and I honestly felt out of place. Everyone was either below 20 or above 40, both age categories dressed completely skimpy and made me feel like I’ve come a conference. Despite having worn knee high gray boots! And those in between already had partners. No luck as such really.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m Muhindi too. But this was quite literally over the top.

At around 3 something AM, Jenny walked in, barefoot! I spoke to her for a few minutes until her friend Neel started talking to me. So he’s quite the observant one and goes… “So you don’t drink and you don’t smoke” and then raised one hand like “why?”. I asked him why he’s so intrigued by it and he’s like he’s never come across someone who doesn’t.

That had me thinking all day.

Some time in November 2013 I had somewhat of a break down. I was rethinking and restrategizing my life and my choices. I may have mentioned this before, that I don’t really have many friends just a selected few and even them I questioned myself about. I was chatting away with my friend Andrew, from the UK about it and he couldn’t understand how someone like me doesn’t really have any friends?

Someone like me?

Oh you mean the girl on the radio? The girl with almost 5000 people on/following her on Facebook and Twitter? The one who’s at almost every event? The one who says hi to someone no matter where she goes… Even in Baringo?

The sad part is, you get put up in this limelight that people cannot see beyond that. Suddenly you’re idolised and looked upon and questioned. Suddenly you have to be careful with what you say and what you do and how you behave.

When someone says oh I’m your fan or you’re a celeb. I always laugh and say “I’m as human as you are and I’m just doing my job”. But you can’t really control that, can you?

Andrew the next day told me, “I gave it a thought and understood why you say you don’t really have any friends”. I was happy to listen as he pointed out some facts.

When you meet with a group of people or even a person for that matter, you meet based on something mutual. Music, movies, sports and the social part becomes drinking and smoking. You do neither. Majority of the world either smokes or drinks. Both men and women. When one comes across someone like you, they’re thrown off balance and cannot quite seem to understand why not? And hence they may keep away because their mind’s boggled by it.

And I experienced that last night with this Neel guy. He could not understand and I wasn’t arsed to explain it.

That’s why dating is such an issue as well. People say “oh Sadia you’re fussy”. To find a man who doesn’t drink nor smoke, is being fussy? To find a man who can take care of himself is being fussy? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that asking for a mature man was being fussy.

Not drinking. Not smoking. Not dressing skimpy… Puts me out of place.

But also knowing exactly what you want puts you out of place as well.

Yes, there’s a certain type of crowd that I feel comfortable around; enjoy mingling with. There’s a certain way I dress and there’s a certain way I behave. If that makes me a social outcast, then so be it.

It may look like a loss to you but I know the value of my boundaries and even though it seems trying at times, I know it will all be worth it in the end.

Here’s to a year where you make things happen… Your way!

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5 thoughts on “A Social Outcast

  1. Burger King style huh? If you’re fussy then I don’t know what I am. I spend most of my time completely alone. I’ve been called a snob for my entire life. The other day I realized that 2013 to me has been a superquiet year for me. The person I would talk to everyday is just my mother and that’s because I live away and she calls to check up on me. I’ve been thinking about this whole idea that the older I grow the less friends I have, but it doesn’t bother me much maybe because I’ve been hurt a lot and I figured at some point that the less I interact with people the better it is for me and for them. There’s a quote that I loved so much that I totally connect with:
    “Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. We all want to be remembered. But the marks humans leave are too often scars. We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE.
    Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either.
    People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad. It’s triumphant. It’s heroic. Isn’t that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm.”

  2. This post is just great. So much to relate with, the drinking and smoking bit of it, especially. iKnow that kind of look when they know ‘Oh s/he doesn’t drink?’
    But as your last line says, it’s to a yeat to make things happen… your way.
    And here’s to #The Remedy 🙂
    Happy NEw Year.

  3. This reminds me of myself . My whole life I feel like I’ve been trying to fit in, finally I realized why should I? I’m not really even that interested in the people I’m trying to fit in with, sure I could dress differently and get into sports and cars but why? I don’t really care about any of it, all the smalltalk bullshit is exactly that. There aren’t very many people like me and rather there are people around or not, I feel lonely most of the time, but what can I do? just go around faking everything all the time?

  4. When some one searches for his necessary thing, thus he/she needs to be available that in detail, therefore that thing is maintained over here.

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