Teehee!!!

1. A small girl walks-in while her father is dressing in the bedroom. She looks at his privates and points at his person and asks “Dad what’s that thing between your legs?” Dad replies “I don’t know”. She goes to kitchen and finds her mum “Mum what is that long thing between dad’s legs?” The mum instead of explaining things to her she replies “I don’t know”. A week later when the mum was coming from work the little girl runs to her and says “Mum you refused to tell me the name of that thing between dad’s legs. I have finally figured it out on my own. IT’S A TOOTHBRUSH”. The mum laughs then asks her “How do u know that?” The girl explains “….when I came back from pre-school this morning I saw the maid kneeling in front of dad, brushing her teeth with dad’s toothbrush and sure enough there was TOOTHPASTE in her mouth.

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2. A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and Dad?” And she replied, “They’re up in bed.” The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and Dad?” And she replied, “They’re still up in bed.” Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and Dad?” And his grandmother replied, “They’re still up in bed.” The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, “What’s this? Every time I tell you they’re still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?” The little boy replied, “Well, last night Daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue!” He must have got himself stuck somewhere in his room. Grandma fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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3. John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. ‘Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?’, they asked. Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project, said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.’ ‘We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie.’ ‘What did you watch?’ asked Marsha. ”The Ten Commandments.’ Answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, ‘I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.’ I’m ashamed of you Son,’ said John. ‘When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.’ The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. ‘Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!’ The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped the shit out of her!

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4. This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?’ the service guy asks. ‘Boy,’ is the man’s response. ‘Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,’ says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Bulldog, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: ‘Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Bulldog will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.’ The man asks, ‘What do I do with the shotgun?’   The service guy replies, ‘Good question ……. I almost forgot! If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Bulldog.’

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5. Little Sameer who was a Hindu, was failing in maths. His parents tried everything. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres but nothing helped.As a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic School. “Those nuns are tough” they said. Sameer was soon enrolled at St Mary’s. After school on the very first day Sameer ran through the door and straight to his room, without even kissing his mother hello. He started studying furiously, books and papers spread all over his room. Right after dinner, he ran upstairs without mentioning TV and hit the books harder than before. His parents were amazed. This behaviour continued for weeks, until report card day arrived. Sameer quietly laid the envelope on the table and went to his room. With great trepidation, his mother opened the report. Sameer has gotten an ‘A’ in maths! She ran upto his room, threw her arms around him and asked, “Sameer, how did this happen? Was it the nuns?”. “No” said Sameer “On the first day of school when I saw that man nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around”.

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6. Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one. As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn’t know her occupation Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line. When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said, ‘How the heck do you do this at your age?’ She said ‘I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck’em dry!’ The policeman fainted.

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